When I first started this entry it was pretty much a "pity piece". You know the kind, "Poor me, poor me, ain't it awful what I have to suffer!!" Fortunately, I usually try to let a couple of days go by between the initial writing and the eventual appearance of a blog piece. I hope I've caught and eliminated all the whininess in this latest version.
Lately I have been reflecting on one feature of Parkinson's Disease that keeps getting to me: each "takeaway" is forever.
For example, some months ago I was feeling a little unstable outside the home so I started carrying a cane with me everywhere I went. I considered the cane more of a metronome than a walking aid because I didn't really lean on the cane, just tapped it very couple of steps. Then one day I noticed that I couldn't do without the cane. Now I wouldn't dare try walking on the area sidewalks without one.
A couple of weeks ago I noticed my sense of taste had disappeared when I drank some milk that had soured to the point of curdling. Now I notice that other things seem to have lost their taste.
Until recently, I usually wouldn't use my cane at home because there were plenty of places to steady or stop myself. But lately I've had so many close encounters with our furniture that I'm rethinking my inside cane policy.
The nature of Parkinson's is that you have ups and downs, good days and bad, "on" days and "off". Thus each change is small and possibly temporary until one day when it is permanent. My doctor has assured me that increasing or changing my meds will not substantially improve my walking or crashing. The senses or smell and taste are just two of the casualties to Parkinsons and once gone, they're gone.
So, for me the saying "today is the first day of the rest of your life" becomes "today is the best day of the rest of your life". So if you see me in a particularly down mood, it may be because I have just lost another "minor" takeaway.
No longer go without cane in house
Falls becoming more dangerous to house than to me
Sense of taste, smell.
To wrap it up, I'm experiencing many of the effects of aging but on an accelerated pace. Since I know that the various abilities and senses will be disappearing in a relatively short time, I need to delight in and celebrate those things that I still enjoy. Please help me remember my blessings when my takeaways are getting to me.
I don’t think there’s much that most of us can say to your observations of your “takeaways.” Steve and I, as 26-year-olds, can’t understand what you’re going through. I mean, I had a pretty bad hangnail last week and thought that was an annoying problem! We can imagine how disheartening it must be, but really we haven’t been there and cannot truly empathize. But what we can say is that we, and the remainder of your large, loving family, never want you to feel isolated in this fight. And while there’s absolutely nothing we can do to restore what you’ve lost or prevent future struggle, we are here for you and we’re listening (or reading, as the case may be).
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister Lisa.
ReplyDeleteI think a good name for this selfish disease could be the "Thief's Disease." It steals precious, valuable things away from you. What could be more valuable than a healthy body! Loosing different abilities and senses one by one has to be very difficult and frustrating. I'm so sorry this "thief' is getting away with so much now. We're thinking of you...
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