The height of laziness or hygiene

When I was a teen my father developed an anal fistula, or as he described it, a second asshole.  And while it was painful enough to deal with, I think he complained more about the humiliation of having to have someone else wipe his bum.  "It's the ultimate in dependency!" he crowed.

Well, I hope never to get an anal fistula but I am sold on having someone, scratch that, someTHING wipe my bum.  This Christmas we upgraded from a handheld bidet to an Intelliseat bidet.  It is about the same difference between a bicycle and a Lexus.

The first thing you notice when you sit down on the Intelliseat is a friendly digital greeting beep.  Without skin contact on a particular place on the seat, nothing happens.  Next you notice the seat is heated, warmed to about 86 degrees F.  Not a deal breaker but certainly is nice on a cold morning.  When you've done your business you no longer have paperwork to finish, just a couple of buttons to push.  There is a button for Her Front, for Her Back, and for His Back.  Each button directs a small tube to emerge from underneath the back of the seat and direct a spray of warm to very warm water at the intended location.  After a minute it will shut off automatically unless you want to stop it sooner.  Then yet another button turns on the blower and your private area is swept with a warm, gentle breeze.

I thought it would take a while to get used to the change.  It took maybe five minutes.  You can still finish off with toilet paper but you'll soon find that is a waste of time.  It's that good.  And think about it the next time you get some dog doodoo on your shoe.  Would you rather wipe it off with a small piece of toilet paper or would you rather spray it off with a warm stream of water?  I'm sold.

Installation was a challenge but only because we have a 3" seat riser installed.  Otherwise the parts all fit, the instructions were complete, and the thing worked correctly out of the block.  I highly recommend this ultimate indulgence.