Sleep Test

You've heard of the fellow who was going into the laboratory for a blood test and wondered what he should study?  Well, I went in for a sleep test and I guess I failed miserably.  That really surprised me because if anyone knew how to sleep it was me.  I could sit down to read a book and fall asleep; watch TV and fall asleep even with action thrillers; stop too long at a stop light and fall asleep; you get the idea.

Somehow that was a clue for my primary physician to request a sleep test for me.

I arrived at the sleep center which is in the Neurology department at the Roseville facility at about 7:30 pm.  This is a brand new building but the sleep center beds already look a little used.  As usual I was given a clip board and some questionnaires (what problem brings you here today?  Did you drink any caffeine today?  Etc.  About the time I finished, a lovely technician by the name of Brook opened a "staff only" door and invited me in and ushered me into one of the small bedrooms.

Seeing that I had a small duffel bag with me, Brook invited me to change into my sleeping clothes before we proceed any further.  She then left while I changed into a fresh set of pajamas and Depends (just in case).

When Brook returned I was wired up like someone in the ICU.  She claimed there were only 30 wires but I would have sworn there were twice that many.  I thought, I'm going to sleep wire up like that???  Fortunately, all the wires went from my head or body and ended in one of two boxes that were hooked together with a loop of shoelace that could easily be hung around my neck in case I needed to leave the room.  Which I did.  I needed one final trip to pee before I could relax enough to fall asleep.

I lay down on the bed under Brook's supervision trying not to damage or dislodge the wires.  The Brook goes into her control and observation room, wherever it is, and gives me an eery demonstration of just how good their telemonitoring is.  With the room lights out, I'm asked to move an arm, a leg, and then close my eyes, open them, blink 5 times, look from left to right & back several times.  She can track all this and do so in the dark.

Finally, I am ready for sleep.  It is 9:00 pm and I'm looking forward to 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.  The wires are a bit of a   problem but soon I'm thinking "that's not my problem").  And in what seems like only a couple of minutes, my watch reads 11:00,  the room lights are coming up and Brook is saying, "Time to start your therapy."  I'm like "WHAT?  Tonight?  Are you sure I need therapy?"  When Brook responds, "Oh, yeah" I get the dreadful feeling that this night is going to be longer than I thought.

Brook then introduces me to a couple of masks, one that fits  pretty much over my nose and requires a chin strap to keep the mouth closed.  Another covers my whole face from the top of my nose to under my chin.  None of them feel comfortable but I select the one that feels least worst.  I ask again what this is for and if it's absolutely necessary.  Brook says its for "CPAP - Continuous positive airway pressure" and yes it's necessary.  She pulls the mask a little tighter on me. 


This time when I'm left alone I don't fall asleep.  Every time I think I'm relaxing enough to drift away, I get a panicky feeeling like claustrophobia or even suffocation.  After 45 minutes and no sleep I suggest this mask isn't going to work.  Brook comes into my room to discuss the alternatives.  The only alternative I'm really interested in is getting some sleep.  But she tries on the nose mask again. I shake my head again.  She says there are two more full mask styles which she then brings in.  I choose what I think will bother me the least.


This time for some reason I don't feel as panicky.  It's still more than I want on my face but I somehow drift off to sleep.  Much too soon the room light is coming on.  It is 5:00 am and with a smiling face Brook is disconnecting my oxygen tube and wiring harness.  There are still two more forms to fill out and my Sleep Test uh... Sleep Ordeal is over.