A day of reckoning

Imagine that tomorrow morning you experience some chest congestion and coughing pain.  An hour later you are lying in the Emergency Room being told that you will never again be able to eat a regular diet.  Your meals for the rest of your life will be non-flavored liquids poured directly into your stomach through tubing surgically sewn there.  You are also told, in case you didn't know, that you are lucky to be alive and can thank your courageous wife and hard-headed kids for that.  The hospital staff should take their bows as well.

I'm interrupting my hospital narrative at this point to give some real-time information.  We began the day with 5 or 6 appointments on the calendar, knowing that a couple of them would have to be moved.  For example, I had an appointment with the head & neck surgeon at 8:30.  By the time we got there he had been called to urgent surgery.  So we rescheduled to 11:00 which was the time we were to meet with the home care speech pathologist.  She was kind enough to reschedule up to 9:30 so we could get her visit and still make it to the surgeon's office.

Speech pathologist
The speech therapist spent half her time discussing the nature of my illness as described by the report of the modified barium swallow that was done a couple of days before I left the hospital and (2) describing exercises that can help me deal with the illness.  I finally heard what some people have been trying to tell me for some time: I have a very serious, life threatening condition that may be curable or may be something I have to accept and live with by making modifications in my lifestyle.  For example, I may have to eat a liquid diet the rest of my life.  Or I may have to make a choice between a permanent tracheotomy or activities that call for heavy breathing such as biking.  The one bright note this morning is that the doctor has a couple of caps for my trache - one for showering and one for talking.  I no longer have to hold one hand to my neck to speak.

Head and neck surgeon
I expected a follow-up report on the surgeries already done including my trache (the g-tube was a different surgeon).  Instead, the doctor did another nasal probe to see the current condition of my airway.  Although the swelling had decreased significantly, there was still some in addition to the "redundant" tissue complicating things. This time the doctor recorded his scans on DVD.  He said they need to have some discussion in the department before he could make a recommendation regarding future surgery or removal of the trache.

Social worker
Another member of the Home Health Care team came to evaluate the services I need and how well along we are in meeting those needs.  She came away with the recommendation that we pretty much have all the community resources we need or have knowledge of how to access those we don't.  Case closed.

Primary Care physician
Wrapping up the team for the final appointment of the day is my primary care physician who has surprisingly little input but whose manner says it all.  Don't try to be an optimist on this one.  Even if you could learn to swallow well enough, its only temporary.  Parkinsons will catch up to  you.  And you will admit, life is still worth living.

I count my blessings.  Even with my math ability slightly impaired I know that
 (oodles & oodles)-1 still equals (oodles&oodles).