Arnold in Wonderland

Now I'm going to have to tread lightly in this area, mental perceptions and reality.  For one thing, my perceptions of the past six weeks differ from others more than I feel comfortable about (it's hard to write a story of you life when you weren't there.) and secondly, for much of my life I didn't accept the reality of non-reality.

I found books and papers on illusions and delusions to be highly entertaining but could not connect them to my reality or my firm foundation of truth being what is observed.  I believed there was an ultimate reality and that if we continued to refine our observation methods we would eventually discover this reality.  Furthermore, this reality could be shared - if I saw something it should be beyond question that you could see it, too, given enough time and equipment.

I no longer believe that is 100% true.  I have seen and heard entirely illusory evidence to the contrary.  During my hospitalization, I spoke and wrote things that are now no more than non-sense and scribbles.  I propounded marvelous arguments that, in the cold light of outside the hospital, are little more than blubbering.  My memory of an uninterrupted afternoon do not square with memory of others who witnessed a very disruptive Arnold Loveridge acting out of character.

Where do these phantom objects and guests come from? Are they coping mechanisms evolved through the ages?  Are they uniform in someway or can they be categorized?  Are they, like dreams, full of hidden meaning and open to interpretation by inspired men and women?  Or do they represent a sour pickle, spoiled milk, or a disagreeable dinner partner?  Do they have any use at all?

For example, I "learned" that a significant number of phantom images in my field of vision usually meant that I was using a large amount of creativity to make the observable "facts" fit the scenario I was experiencing.  In recognizing this, I was sometimes able to move the scenario closer to reality or terminate it entirely.  Oddly enough, to me it was comforting when we discovered that dellusions were not uncommon in Parkinson's Disease patients or that they are often created by the Intensive Care Unit.