Background check

I recall having had a background check at least a couple of times in my life, primarily when I was in the Army and when I was working with my graduate professor on simulating radar sea clutter. But I don't recall being involved with someone else's background investigation. If I have been, it's been so long ago that I don't remember anymore.

Anyway, I got this call from a really friendly guy who claims he's a contractor for the Federal Investigative Services wanting to talk to my wife about our neighbor. When he learns that she'll be out for the next couple of days, he opts for the expediency of interviewing me instead. We make an appointment for the next evening. He assures me that it will only take 10 minutes or so.

I'm curious but Carolyn has talked with the neighbor and Wayne assures her he was expecting this sort of thing. According to the web site of the Federal Investigative Services, people needing such a background check have to submit a list of people they feel would be good to interview about them.

When the investigator shows up, I ask for his identification and he flips out a little folder with a badge on the outside and the appropriate identification inside. He looks like his picture all right. We sit down at a table so that he can write all my answers down. Somehow I expected a laptop by this time. He asks how long I've known Wayne, how we met, how often we talk or do things together. The investigator wants to know if Wayne gets visitors, how many, and are they noisy or not. I'm asked if Wayne drinks or does drugs or has some secrets that he's hiding or which would potentially compromise his actions. I find myself wishing I could say something exciting, something more than "not that I know" or "I've never seen anything unusual". But this is serious stuff and I certainly wouldn't want to be guilty of messing up Wayne's job opportunities. I'm not under oath but I still act like I am.

After close to 20 minutes, the investigator decides he's had enough or that Wayne really has me fooled. He thanks me for my time and leaves graciously. I go to the computer to see what more I can find out about this Federal Investigative Services. Apparently, they do most of the background checking for civilian federal government employment, leaving the FBI to do people like presidential appointees. Their job is to see that government employees are "reliable, trustworthy, of good conduct and character, and of complete and unswerving loyalty to the United States" whatever that means. It has a sort of 50's McCarthy ring to it. I also liked the answer to the question about having to give information about one's past: "Providing the information is voluntary, but if you choose not to provide the required information, you will not meet the requirements of the job and will therefore not be considered further." Gives a whole new meaning to the term "voluntary".