Fart Proudly - book review

Fart Proudly edited by Carl Japikse does indeed contain "writings of Benjamin Franklin You Never Read in School". Many of the pieces are delightful satire or political jabs at the established government or religion of Franklin's time. It is delightful to see that many of them, with minor changes only, would be equally on the mark today.

Franklin was not hesitant to speak frankly or about subjects we would deem too bawdy to discuss in public now. In one of the first pieces he challenges the scientists of his day to develop something we could eat to make our farts enjoyable to others, or at least pleasant. We do that now with deodorant and breath freshener. Why haven't we met Franklin's challenge?

My favorite piece was one Franklin wrote in 1745 "On Choosing a Mistress" which includes this advice to choose an Older Woman for these reasons:

"1. Because they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stored with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility...

3. Because there is no hazard of Children...

4. Because through more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion...

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part... so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure or corporal Enjjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less... [you're] making an old Woman happy.

8th and last. [Because] they are so grateful!"

Unfortunately, in my opinion, the book is ruined or at least badly damaged when the editor concludes the book with a piece that he describes as a dream wherein he meets this Benjamin Franklin. Franklin then tells him in no uncertain terms just how far off the track America has gone and in which ways. He suggests that we modern citizens root out the asses in government and meet them stink for stink, farting in their faces, if you will, farting proudly.

Franklin may indeed have seen our world the way the editor claims but we'll never know. And putting words into others' mouths when they cannot refute them, is dangerously close to character assassination. Japikse may have all the libertarian feelings and thoughts that he wants but to have Franklin say them, even in a dream, is a crime.